everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
