seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
