Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
