we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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