We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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