if i can run in heels then i can drive
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
