I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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