Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
