remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
