a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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