I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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