i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
