I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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