his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
