Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
