I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
