You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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