the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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