i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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