You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
