it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
