Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
