part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
