when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
