my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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