in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
