No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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