I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
