I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
