i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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