It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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