Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
