I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
