Pappa wants mamma naked
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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