If i come over, it means nothing
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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