Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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