don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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