The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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