I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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