Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
