My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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