So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
