I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
