five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
