really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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