I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
