Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
