I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
