Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
