Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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