I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
