i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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