When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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