you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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